Episode 20 - Fake Friends: Lorelai and Rory Gilmore
Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we discussed the friendship of Lorelai and Rory Gilmore from the hit WB show, Gilmore Girls.
I like this show but Lueda loves this show. She has watched all the way through numerous times and is somewhat an expert on it. In discussing the relationship between Lorelai and Rory, we took a look at how they function as friends within what is a mother-daughter relationship. We’ve said it before, in Episode 13, and we’ll say it again: the relationship between Lorelai and Rory is a great example of why parents shouldn’t be friends with their kids until they’re adults.
As demonstrated throughout the show, because Lorelai is a “friend first, mom second” to Rory, whenever she does have to establish her authority or pull the “mom card” it’s not well-received by Rory, who is used to a democratic role within their family. This tight-knit friendship between Lorelai and Rory also stunts both of their growth in being able to find and make other friends that don’t necessarily fit in with their unique dynamic. This is portrayed over and over again throughout the season. And we see the effects of this on their individual romantic relationships. Because Rory and Lorelai operate almost as a single unit, what one does, the other often mimics. This makes it hard, for example, for Rory to tell her boyfriend Dean she loves him, because she’s never seen her mom do it. This makes it hard for Lorelai to commit to a marriage with Max because she falls back on how it will affect her current relationship with Rory.
We also believe that because Lorelai and Rory had such a close relationship as Rory grew up, Rory was not set up well to operate on her own in college and beyond. We see this in the choices she makes during college (not being able to handle the first night at college without her mom; letting one man derail her dreams; stealing a yacht; dropping out of college; turning down Logan when he proposes) and beyond (sleeping with a married man and getting pregnant with his child; not being able to find a steady job). This built-in friendship that Rory has had her entire life has left her bereft of some resilience and willingness to be vulnerable. Who is she without her mom?
Don’t get us wrong, there are tons of fun moments in this show! The writing is quippy, it’s funny and it’s, on the whole, easy to watch. As long as you’re not analyzing the relationship between Lorelai and Rory, it’s an enjoyable show!
Tell us your thoughts on the friendship of Lorelai and Rory at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we shared friendship tips from our two Stars Hollow residents.
LG: Eat the fun food
RG: You can never learn too much
Both of these friendship tips speak to the core of each of these characters. If Lorelai were to give friendship advice, it would center around fun. Lorelai is a fun seeker who loves levity and spontaneity. Therefore, her tip -- eat the fun food -- reflects her ethos that friendship should be fun.
Rory, the eternal learner, is always seeking more information. This applies to friends, too. You can never truly know everything there is to know about a person; you can never truly know everything in the world. By staying open to acquiring new knowledge, you create the conditions to be open and curious to the world around you -- something we believe helps friendships last lifetimes.
What friendship tips do you think Lorelai and Rory would offer? Tell us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
What questions are we pondering this week?
LG: What’s for dinner? What new shoes should I buy?
RG: What book should I read next?
Lorelai is a simple woman (for the most part). Food and shopping are two of the central themes for Lorelai throughout the show. More than many shows, you see Lorelai and Rory eating….a lot! And food is often referenced within the show. Therefore, it makes sense to use that Lorelai would be pondering her next meal. She would also be considering her next fashion purchase, given she knows and loves fashion herself. Her outfits are always cute, unique and totally her.
Rory, the book worm, is always reading. We see this throughout the show and this question really shouldn’t come as a surprise. We talked about her varied reading choices and if there’s a list of all the books referenced throughout the show. Don’t worry, I found it!
Rory Gilmore’s Complete Reading List
What content are we consuming this week?
LG: Movies
RG: Books
So many of Lorelai’s references are from movies. So it makes sense to us that she’s consuming movies at a high frequency. And Rory’s really goes without saying. I got to thinking about the list of movies referenced in Gilmore Girls and much like Rory’s reading list, it’s extensive!
All the Movies Referenced in Gilmore Girls
What’s something uplifting you’d like to share with others?
LG: Community is family
RG: There is more to life than book knowledge
Sometimes, our blood family is not the family we’d choose for ourselves. Indeed, it’s often our communities to which we feel the closest and the most supported. This is definitely the experience of Lorelai, who chooses the community of Stars Hollow as her own family. Community, no matter where you find it, is usually where we find our best friends. And, it’s crucial for feeling seen, heard and loved deeply for our true selves.
While Rory’s uplifting aphorism may seem counterintuitive to the answers she gave to the other questions, we feel that Rory, while possessing a strong love of reading, does do a good job of trying to see the bigger picture. In choosing the bigger life, she’s able to step away from her books and from her comfort zones, and lean into all that life has to offer.
As Gandalf the Gray says: life is not in your books and maps. It’s out there.
What’s something that’s sparked passion in you recently?
LG: Coffee, coffee, coffee
RG: The book sale at Stars Hollow
Much like Lueda, coffee is a passion and an obsession for Lorelai. You see her drink a cup of coffee in nearly every episode of the show. That’s some serious love! Also, Lueda mentioned a coffee I sent here from Japan. It’s the Starbucks Tokyo Roast.
Rory’s passion demonstrates what true passions are meant to do: bring us into the flow of life. When we become totally absorbed in what we’re doing that we become unaware of the passing of time, then we know we’re connected to our True Selves. Rory demonstrates this in her passion of searching for new books at the Stars Hollow Book sale.
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
