Episode 13 - Parents as Friends; Show Up; Meditation; Pick Your Head Up
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Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we continued with our mini-series on whether or not family members make good friends -- specifically, parents.
Catch up on this mini-series by listening to Episode 11 and Episode 12!
Lueda and I are of the mindset that parents can be great friends...in adulthood. And that it depends. Pastor Andy Stanley (one of Lueda’s favorites) talks about how in childhood, it’s a parent’s job to be a disciplinarian and to guide their child into becoming a good person and learning the skills they need to do so. If parents and kids are too friendly, during this time in their life, it deprives children the opportunity to learn from their parents and to form their own friendships with their peers. In our experience, this allows for the friendship between a parent and child to be much closer and fuller in adulthood. Setting up healthy boundaries between you and your child now will allow them to have healthier boundaries long-term with their friends, romantic partners and perhaps in-laws.
I talk in the episode about a popular, but a somewhat unhealthy example of a too-close parent-child relationship is Lorelai and Rory Gilmore from Gilmore Girls. Their relationship is much too close and it displays what can happen when you try to be friends with your kid too soon. So some of the rebelling and friction that’s supposed to happen earlier on in the relationship doesn’t, and then takes place later on and forever changes the relationship...and not always for the better! You see this example in Mean Girls with Amy Pohler’s character around the high school girls. On the opposite end of the spectrum, in The Blind Side, Sandra Bullock’s character does a beautiful job of allowing her adopted son, Michael, to make the final decision about whether or not he was going to go to college or not. She was there to support him and help him in any way she could, but she knew he was an adult and had to make that decision for himself.
Even when you do become friends with your parents, we do think there still needs to be off-limits topics within the friendship. Ultimately, no matter how old you get, you’re still a child to your parent or a parent to your child. So some boundaries always need to stay in place within the friendship for the health of the friendship. Where those boundaries are will definitely depend on the people in the relationship.
Want to add more to the conversation? Share it with us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we discuss the friendship tip of Show Up.
This is a simple tip, but it’s key for creating meaningful friendships. It can look like so many different things -- a text, going to a movie, a gift card, showing up at a friend’s house -- but it’s a form of presence that affirms your friendship and reassures your friend that you’re there for them. This tip is easy to over-think, but oftentimes our friends often tell us exactly how they want us to show up in their lives.
“Will you come to my band’s gig?”
“Do you want to try this new restaurant with me?”
“Can we check out this movie together?”
“I can’t hang out because of the kids...are you willing to come here and have a drink?”
Consistency is key for this tip. Being consistent helps you show up in a friendship in a way that supports your friend. In episode 12, we shared the friendship tip of giving 80 percent, which means you’re consistently being present in the relationship. You’re consistently giving your time and energy to the relationship. And if you’re doing that, then oftentimes it means you’re showing up in various ways.
What questions are we pondering this week?
Alexis: What else do I need to see, do, eat or buy while I’m here in Japan?
As my time winds down here in Japan, I’m trying to absorb as much of the culture as I can! I will deeply miss Japan and all the amazing things the country has to offer. I’m eating out a lot (ramen, sushi, onigiri, udon, special candy), I’m traveling a lot (going to Okinawa and Kyushu soon!) and trying to have as many experiences as I can while I’m here.
As Gretchen Rubin from the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast says, “The days are long, but the years are short.”
What content are we consuming this week?
Lueda: Lost Hills Podcast
This podcast dropped into Lueda’s feed somehow and since she loves a good murder mystery that gets solved. Crime podcasts are incredibly fascinating to her. She’s three episodes in thus far and it’s about -- as you may have guessed -- murders taking place in Malibu, California. I won’t spoil it here, but Lueda highly recommends this podcast!
What’s something uplifting you’d like to share with others?
Alexis: Everyone can meditate.
I’m currently participating in Deepak Chopra and Oprah’s 21-Day Meditation Experience. And as I’ve said to many friends and acquaintances, it’s a great way to get into meditation that offers consistent practice and great little lessons. But more importantly, there’s a style of meditation for every single person out there! Truly. Everyone can meditate and it’s all about finding the right style of meditation for you.
I mentioned in the episode that I offer meditations through my own podcast -- Wild Blue Yonder Meditations. If you want to try practicing with me, then check it out today! I add new episodes weekly.
What’s something that’s sparked passion in you recently?
Lueda: Alex Toussaint on her Peloton repeatedly saying “Pick your head up.”
This is the reminder Lueda needed that reminder after coming off a hard season and in a moment when she needed a little booster. Remember, pick your head up! Enjoy the moment!
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
