Episode 22 - Making New Friends; Put Away Technology; Family Secrets Podcast; Processing Life
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Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we discussed making new friends.
Lueda and I both agree: making friends as adults is hard! For many reasons, it becomes harder and harder to easily make friends as we age. I know there are many people out there who are gregarious and charismatic that would disagree with us, to which I say, “I wish I had your social skills!” But for many of us, establishing meaningful relationships with friends after school can be incredibly hard.
As we discussed in the show, part of it is because of the lack of vulnerability we’re willing to share as adults. Part of it is because of the comfort zones many of us slide into when our lives become more complicated. Part of it is because we’re busy adults. And part of it is because we don’t have pre-set groups into which we’re forced (school) or willingly join (teams and clubs) where we have a higher chance and greater ease of making new friends.
Even though it’s difficult to make new friends, Lueda and I agree that making new friends is important. While you may have a tight network of friends and family members on whom you can rely for help and support, those people can start to feel weighed down if you ask for their help to often. It’s also important to remember that as humans, we’re meant to be in community with others. Some of the strategies that we use to make new friends as adults are:
Put yourself in a situation where everyone is “new”
Join a class or a group that’s related to an interest of yours
Do things you want to do (and then see who else is doing them!)
Be willing to talk to people
Be authentic in who you are
This last tip may seem like a throwaway, but we believe it’s crucial. When you’re being authentic, you will naturally draw the right kind of people to you. And those are the people who are going to find value in you, just as you are. While we can always grow and work on being our best selves, being yourself is the best way to put yourself on the friendship market and let people see the type of person they have the opportunity to be friends with. And, if they decide you’re not cool enough for them -- that’s okay! YOU don’t have to be friends with them! Remember, like we said in Episode 5: you are not for everybody.
Looking for some validation on how hard making friends is as an adult? Watch I Love You, Man.
Have something you’d like to add to the conversation? We’d love to hear it! Send it to us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we shared the friendship tip of put the phone down/take off the smartwatch.
We are living in a plugged-in world. But if you want to have a meaningful connection with your friends, where they feel seen, loved and heard by you, then you have to put your technology away. No matter how much we try to fool ourselves, we cannot be fully present with anyone or anything when we’re using our technology. Our devices are all-consuming and are designed to be so. Research shows that you cannot hear what’s being said while scrolling through social media. You certainly aren’t making eye contact with your friend if you’re on your phone. And, your brain isn’t fully engaged with the present moment when you’re trying to get it to complete two tasks at the same time.
If you put your phone away for a lunch with your friend and find it’s “too difficult” or “uncomfortable” to be away from your phone, then it’s time to evaluate its role in your life. Even if you’re the type of person who has to be on-call or needed in an emergency situation, there’s still no reason to be on your phone while you’re spending time with someone else. Why do you need to pick up your phone and interact with it, when you have a human being right in front of you?
This is something that I work at doing with my own friends and something that we urge you to try with your friends! You’ll find that your conversations will be deeper and you’ll walk away from your interactions with your friends feeling uplifting and energized. As hard as this tip may be for you, it’s designed to help you be more intentional with your friends when you spend time with them.
What questions are we pondering this week?
Lueda: How do I process all the things?
From making new friends to closing the rings on her Apple Watch to moving out of her parents’ house, Lueda has a lot going on in her life right now. She’s trying to figure out how to process all of the circumstances in her life in a way that’s healthy and is actually processing, not just feeling like it’s processed, but it actually isn’t. The last 12 months have been hard for Lueda. So she needs to allow herself to feel her emotions!
Lueda talks about Erin H Moon (on Instagram @erinhmoon) and her phrase “hack your crying.” This is where you put on a sad movie or song that you know will make you cry in order to help you start processing and allowing emotions to arise fully in the moment.
We also mentioned the book Transitions which you can read more about in the Episode 1 post!
What content are we consuming this week?
Alexis: Family Secrets podcast
This is one of my favorite podcasts! Dani Shapiro, the host, does an amazing job of facilitating the sharing of family secrets of the guests of her show. The stories are wide-ranging and fascinating. I often binge the entire season at once because it’s so well-done and easy to listen to. If you’re looking for a new podcast, check it out.
What’s something uplifting we’d like to share with others?
Lueda: Find the simple joys
A nice reminder that the big joys in life are awesome...no doubt! But notice in your life where there are simple joys in your life -- like a new coffee cart! Take the next five minutes and write down the simple joys present in your life right now. Don’t forget to share your simple joys with us! Send them to areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com.
I also talk about an “inner resource” -- a place of safety and security that you can go to in a moment’s notice should you need or want to feel safe, secure, at ease and joyful. Your inner resource is often full of simple joys; smells, sounds, sights, tactile sensations and tastes that allow you to feel comforted, grounded and at peace. Below is a practice for you to try developing your inner resource if you don’t have one already!
What’s something that’s sparked passion in us recently?
Alexis: The completion of my 300-Hour Yoga Teacher Training
This program has taken me a while to complete and a lot of work. I’m now a 500-Hour Registered Yoga Teacher and I have many hours of training (500, to be exact) and over 700 hours of teaching under my belt. Completing this program has reignited my passion for sharing yoga and meditation with others and doing so in a way that supports them on their health and wellness journey.
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
