Episode 19 - Staying Out of Disagreements; Vocalize What You Like; Bon Appetit Magazine; Savor the Moment
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Topic of Discussion
In today’s episode, we discussed a question from one of our patrons: What do you do when you’re asked to get involved in a disagreement that’s not yours?
What an important topic! Raise your hand if this has happened to you. Right. It’s happened to so many of us over the years. Lueda and I think this is a really important question because it’s SO easy to get involved with someone else’s business.
One thing we think is helpful to think about when someone is asking you to get involved in their business, is to consider: is this mine to carry? We talked about this topic in-depth in Episode 17. Creating an understanding around what do you want to carry in your life? What do you have time and energy for? In addition, it’s important to consider, what’s my role in this situation? Do you even have a role? Checking your ego from the situation and looking at it with an objective eye can help you determine whether or not you actually need to be involved in a situation. If you’re struggling with this, then consider the following question:
Is this inside my knife circle?
If you’ve determined that the disagreement you’re being asked to get involved with doesn’t actually have a place for you in it, then have a conversation with your friend. Be honest on your feelings about the situation and about how it makes you feel that your friend is asking you to get involved. That may mean you have to have a hard conversation with love with your friend. Sometimes, that needs to happen in a friendship in order for it to flourish and thrive over time.
Notice, too, if you’re asked to get involved in a disagreement that’s not yours. Why is that happening? Have you taught your friends that you will get involved with their personal business? Use this invitation from your friend (because yes, it is an invitation!) to notice how you’re teaching your friends to treat you. This may be a signal that you need to work on some of your own behaviors within your friendships. Are you doing more fixing than listening in your friendships? If so, then your friends may expect you to fix all of their problems.
Have something you’d like to add to the conversation? We’d love to hear it! Send it to us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we shared the friendship tip vocalize what you like!
Much like some of our other tips, this one seems so simple and straightforward! But vocalizing what you like can be scary and hard...especially with your friends! In vocalizing what you like, however, you give your friends the chance to get to know you better and you get to do more of the things that you like to do. This also creates the conditions for you and your friend to lean into what you both enjoy.
What questions are we pondering this week?
Lueda: How can I savor this?
Lueda is about to move out of her parents home and into her own apartment! Go Lueda! It’s an exciting time, but she recognizes how precious and unique this time is with her family right now. Ideally, it won’t happen again and truly, it’ll never happen again in the way it’s happened now. As someone who loves moving on to the next “thing,” Lueda is inviting herself to be intentionally present in the now and welcome it in fully.
What content are we consuming this week?
Alexis: Bon Appetit Magazine
On a lark, my husband got me this subscription and I have loved it! While some of the recipes are a bit bougie for me and it can be hard to find ingredients in Japan, it’s been fun to be so immersed with food in some other way than just eating it. The magazine itself is beautiful. The writing is fun to read and interesting. And I’ve discovered many new recipes that now make repeat appearances in my house!
What’s something uplifting we’d like to share with others?
Lueda: “No one can do everything, but everyone can do something.”
Lueda heard this quote -- most popularly attributed to Max Lucado -- and she noticed how much it’s popped up in her life this week. This served as a reminder for Lueda that she can’t do everything and she can’t be everything to everyone. Some of the big problems we face as a society -- as fellow members of the global community -- can feel overwhelming and unsolvable. This alone can stop us from acting. But when we frame our role in our communities as, “I can do something,” it allows us to feel empowered to do what we can and not feel bad that it isn’t more.
Remember: What’s yours to carry? You can’t carry everything!
Here are the causes my family donates to each month, in case you're interested:
Here are the causes Lueda donates to, in case you’re interested:
What’s something that’s sparked passion in us recently?
Alexis: Nostalgia
For some reason, this week I was overwhelmed with a sense of Nostalgia. As I talked about in Episode 18, I listened to the song You’ve Got a Friend in Me by Randy Newman. I’ve been listening to Day-O (Banana Song) by Harry Belafonte. I’m getting ready to start playing the video game, Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom again -- a game I first played in middle school!
Don’t know the song Day-O? Yes, you do. Here's a clip to jog your memory:
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
