Episode 5 - Enneagram; Listening vs. Fixing; What is Too Many Podcasts?; Memoirs
Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we discussed the Enneagram -- specifically, our types and how it’s impacted our lives.
The Enneagram is a personality framework with nine different types that categorizes people based on their core motivations. It can be a tool for self-reflection that helps you understand why you take the actions you do and how those actions are motivated.
In order to truly discover each of our types, both Lueda and I read The Road Back to You: An Enneagram Journey to Self Discovery by Suzanne Stabile and Ian Cron.
Lueda is a Type 2 -- The Helper. According to the Enneagram Institute, Type 2s are generous, demonstrative, people-pleasing and possessive. Their basic fear is being unwanted or unloved, and their basic desire is to feel loved. I actually introduced her to the Enneagram and it has served as a tool to help Lueda evaluate how she shows up in life. Through the Enneagram, she’s learned to better define boundaries and to ask herself, “Is that your need to fill?”
Learning to step back and not fill everyone else’s needs has helped her learn where she can better serve others with her desire to help and be supportive of others. It’s also brought awareness to her own expectation that others will do what she’s done for them, even though she doesn’t vocalize those needs or expectations.
I’m a Type 1 -- The Perfectionist/Reformer. According to the Enneagram Institute, Type 1s are principled, purposeful, self-controlled and perfectionistic. Their basic fear is being corrupt/evil or defective (wrong), and their basic desire is to be good, have integrity or be balanced. I came to the Enneagram through a former coworker (and current host of the podcast Advice Not Given). I took a test (which you shouldn’t do!) and came out as a Type 1. And, in true Type 1 fashion, I took the test again and then two different tests to confirm that I am indeed a Type 1.
Much like Lueda, the Enneagram has served as a tool for self-reflection and helped me better understand how I show up in life. Through the Enneagram, I’ve learned to see more of the “grays” in the world (not everything is black and white) and to step back from being “right.”
I’ve also learned more about my “Inner Critic” -- that inner monologue which for Type 1s, can be incredibly critical and mean. With awareness around the Inner Critic, I am able to be kinder, more loving on myself. This enables me to let perfection go and be happy, present and grateful for whatever it is I’m able to accomplish.
What’s your Enneagram type? How has it impacted your life? Tell us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we discuss the friendship tip of Listening versus Fixing.
It’s key in friendships to remember that your main objective should be to listen. When listening is at the forefront of the relationship, we provide our friend space to feel safe and this allows them to feel seen and heard. And this is what friendship is all about! Making our friends feel seen and loved is the beauty of friendship.
People are keen to fix other people’s problems quickly because we don’t want to sit with the discomfort of someone else’s pain. Yet, in a world where we don’t receive enough loving, kind feedback, a friend telling you in a moment when you’re not receptive to feedback that you were wrong, need to change or need to improve will not only not get through, it’ll hurt.
As Lueda beautifully points out, it’s important to listen in the small things (He didn’t do the dishes again!) and in the big things (I don’t feel safe at work). That’s where friendship blooms and a deeply-felt sense of trust is able to be established and built upon. It’s the from that point that you can then follow up at an appropriate time and provide feedback (when merited).
Remember, what may be a molehill to you may be a mountain to your friend. And what is a mountain for you may be a molehill for your friend. Acknowledge when something is important to your friend and make it important to you.
What do you think of this topic? Tell us about it at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
What questions are we pondering this week?
Lueda: How many podcasts is too many podcasts to listen to in one week?
Lueda currently has nine unlistened to podcasts right now, and is currently subscribed to about 25 podcasts! Wow! They all vary in length and focus, but Lueda feels as though she needs to find a balance. She’s pondering this question firstly because she doesn’t want to just consume content and not be actionable on the content she learned about. Secondly, she also wants to figure out how to prioritize the podcasts she does listen to in a way that makes more sense.
She mentioned That Sounds Fun by Annie F. Downs as one of her favorite podcasts, FYI!
If you have suggestions for Lueda, send them our way at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com!
What content are we consuming this week?
Alexis: It’s What I Do: A Photographer’s Life of Love and War by Lynsey Addario
A book I finished this week and LOVED! It’s a fast and accessible read.
What’s something uplifting you’d like to share with others?
Lueda: You are not for everyone! Lucky You!
This has been one of the most freeing, empowering and uplifting things she’s ever learned. This has helped Lueda learn healthier boundaries and learn to be happy and grateful for what is present instead of focusing on what “everybody” else thinks. It’s through our authenticity that we live full lives and in so doing, it means we’re “not for everybody.”
Remember, there is a space for everyone! But not everyone will be in that space.
What’s something that’s sparked passion in you recently?
Alexis: Reading
I love reading! And the memoir this week, in addition to the other books I’ve read this year, have really inspired me to keep reading. And I plan on taking on this beast soon:
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
