Episode 9 - Define “Best Friend;” Allow for Some Ghosting; Upload; Budgeting
Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we discussed the definition of “Best Friend.”
Many of us have some definition of “best friend.” And if you’re anything like Lueda and I, you may think that “best friend” is a signifier for only one person in your life. To be fair...that may be true for you! However, Lueda and I have discovered over the years that having only one person as a best friend can be very limiting.
Now that we’re older, we’ve been through our share of friends and we’ve spent time investing in and deepening relationships, we’ve discovered that “best friend” can mean several people. While I have never really had one long-standing best friend -- where I was that person’s best friend and they were mine -- Lueda has had a single best friend since elementary school. For her, she had to go through a growth process of learning that it’s okay to expand that circle to allow other people in, and that it wouldn’t hurt her original best friend to do so.
For us, a “best friend” is someone you can trust with the good and the bad; someone who won’t run away when you need to have an honest, hard conversation; someone who will be there for you in a pinch and also when you want to celebrate; someone who cares just as deeply about you as you do about them. And, a “best friend” can be one person, or it can be several people. It’s a term that is precious, one that should be reserved for someone who is willing to grow with you, evolve with you and be supportive with you along the way (and you in reverse). It’s a continual leaning into the friendship, a continual showing up and making an effort!
We also believe that best friends can be within certain areas of your life. Fishing buddies, small group members, swim team mates, coworkers...these are just a couple of the many different areas of life where you may have a “best friend” but that wouldn’t necessarily extend out to the rest of your life.
A way to create healthy boundaries in your mind around friendship: You have friends for a season, a reason or a lifetime. This has helped me tremendously with creating realistic and healthy expectations around the friendships I develop.
How do you define “best friend?” Let us know your thoughts at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we discussed the friendship tip of allowing a certain amount of ghosting to go unmentioned.
Now, ghosting in itself we do not condone. That’s where you’re going along in a relationship with someone and then all of the sudden (and the suddenness of it is key here) your friend completely stops communicating with you and you never hear from them again. But, we are saying that sometimes you ghost your friend on accident because you get busy, you think you hit “send” and you didn’t, you checked your messages and then forgot to respond or something else legitimately happens that prevents you from being a good communicator or showing up.
This has happened between Lueda and I numerous times. And, spoiler alert, we’re still friends. Part of allowing a certain amount of ghosting to go unmentioned means you recognize that you are not the center of your friend’s world, that they have their own life and challenges they’re facing and sometimes, you simply fall lower on the priority list. That doesn’t mean you can’t be friends any more! But it is an opportunity to show your friend some grace and still be loving when they are able to reconnect with you.
And by not shaming them or blaming them or making them feel bad for something they probably already feel bad about, you create space for trust, connection and love...things we all want in our friendships! And you let your friend know that you’re not going to be a hardliner and that you understand that sometimes, life happens.
Be wary of friends who are actually consistently ghosting you, however, because they’re not as invested in the relationship as you are! That’s when you need to check in with yourself and determine if that relationship is one you want to continue to invest time and energy in.
Do you have tips for ghosting within friendships? Send us an email at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
What questions are we pondering this week?
Lueda: How do you budget?
Lueda has used the app Mint for a while now, but what she wants to know is: does she have to budget every month? Does she have to determine what money she’s going to put where each month? She’s preparing to make some more big life changes (buying big furniture, getting her own place) and the way she spends her money will soon change because of that. But as she spends money and saves money, she feels like she needs to sit down and be better about determining where her money goes.
What content are we consuming this week?
Alexis: Upload on Amazon Prime
I recently finished watching this show and it was fascinating! It came as a recommendation from my friend Amanda, and the entire show is a very interesting take on what the “afterlife” will look like in the future. Definitely check it out if you like dystopian humorous thriller shows!
What’s something uplifting you’d like to share with others?
Lueda: Spring is coming!
The weather is starting to warm up in Minnesota and Lueda couldn’t be more excited about it. It feels like such a gift, even though she doesn’t actually like spring all that much. She’s celebrating 60-degree weather and soaking up all the sun she can right now!
What’s something that’s sparked passion in you recently?
Alexis: Talking to people on the phone
I’ve spent more time talking to people -- mainly my loved ones -- on the phone lately and I’m really loving it. It’s helping me feel deeply connected to my people and it’s filling my cup. What I mainly love about it is getting to hear people laugh; it’s so infectious and fun!
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
