Episode 11 - Siblings as Friends; Asking Questions; Cherry Blossom Season; Revisionist History
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Topic of Discussion
In this episode, we started a mini-series on if various family members make good friends (or not!). For the first part of this series, we discussed if siblings make good friends.
The general consensus between Lueda and me is that siblings can make good friends. While neither one of us grew up feeling particularly close to our brothers (her older brothers, my younger brother) it’s in adulthood that we’ve really started to feel as though they are people we enjoy spending time with as friends.
What’s interesting about having a sibling as a friend is the shared experience of growing up under the same roof. Really, no other friend you have (most likely) will share those experiences that are fundamental to your development. This can have a major impact on your friendship (or lack thereof) with your sibling.
In addition, if you’re not close in age to your siblings, it can make it tough to be close with them in childhood, since you’re going through different phases of life at the same time. I’ve seen this with my husband and his sister, who are seven years apart, and I’ve seen it with other friends who have siblings who are much older than them. This isn’t always a barrier to connecting with your siblings, but it can be. It really depends on the humans involved in the relationship.
We’re curious, for those of you who have been best friends with your siblings all of your life, are they the same gender as you? When we look at the friends we have who meet that criteria, it seems as though the friendships between the siblings bonds sooner. Does it make it easier to go through childhood with a sibling that’s the same gender as you? Does it make it easier to be friends with them?
We also think that parents -- if they have siblings -- can make an impact on whether or not their own kids are friends by how they model that behavior themselves. Growing up, I never thought of my aunts and uncles as friends to my parents; I thought of them like family and that we spent time with them because they’re family, not because we had the choice. It felt more like an obligation -- one we often enjoyed! -- rather than a voluntary act that you often see in friendship.
We’d love to hear your thoughts on whether or not siblings make good friends! Share your thoughts with us at areyoutwostillfriends@gmail.com
Friendship Tip
In this episode, we discussed the friendship tip of Ask Questions.
This is one of Lueda’s all-time favorite things to do in almost any situation. But she particularly loves doing it in friendships -- which is why she recommended this tip -- because it allows you to go in so many different directions with your friend and to learn more about them. In addition, it creates the conditions for your friend to feel safe and to feel as though you want to hear more from them. That space allows them to share what they’ve maybe been holding back because they’re not sure if you’re ready or willing to hold what they need to share.
Questions are a great way to start exploring your relationship and not falling onto the laurels of “knowing someone so well.” We are all constantly evolving in some way or another; there’s always something new to discover about another person. Questions lead us into that space of curiosity and openness!
Questions help communicate that you care about your friend! Remember: friendships are all about give and take. Avoid falling into the trap of not asking any questions of your friend and avoid only asking questions of your friend and not volunteering any information in return. If you find yourself in these patterns of behavior, it may be beneficial to stop and consider if you’re in a relationship you truly want to be in.
What questions are we pondering this week?
Alexis: How can I cultivate deeper relationships with my male friends?
I have several male friends. But I feel like they’re fringe friends. Almost all of them are the spouses of my girlfriends. I would love to have deeper relationships with them where I can reach out and talk to them about whatever! I think a male’s perspective is important to have in my circle of friends. Ideally, I’d love to be closer with these male friends, where I can spend time with them and not feel weird that their wife isn’t along. This question lends itself well to my relationship with my brother, with whom I’ve worked in the last few years to cultivate a deeper relationship.
What content are we consuming this week?
Lueda: Revisionist History Podcast by Malcolm Gladwell
Just in case you needed another podcast, Lueda recently discovered the podcast Revisionist History by Malcolm Gladwell by listening to Armchair Expert with Dax Shepherd. He was interviewing Amy Pohler -- one of Lueda’s favorite celebrities -- and they brought up Malcolm’s podcast. Lueda is a big fan of Talking with Strangers and was immediately intrigued by the episode titled Free Brian Williams that discussed the faultiness of our memories. In addition, Lueda loves Malcolm’s voice and his cadence of speech is fascinating and easy to listen to.
What’s something uplifting you’d like to share with others?
Alexis: Cherry Blossom season in Japan
This is one of the most beautiful seasons in Japan! The cherry blossom tree produces these stunning, soft pink flowers that cover the branches and twigs on the tree, creating this appearance of softness and fluffiness. Walking under a line of cherry blossom trees will take your breath away! It’s such a beautiful time of year and I feel so grateful I get to spend another season with these magnificent examples of nature.
What’s something that’s sparked passion in you recently?
Lueda: Make Room - Lueda’s sister-in-law’s new business!
Lueda’s sister-in-law has helped Lueda go through her items and start to organize them. As Lueda prepares to move into a new space, she wants to only bring the items with her that she really likes and really wants there. Therefore, having her sister-in-law help her go through her items has helped Lueda take a broader perspective of what she needs and wants and what she’s holding on to, just because. What a cathartic process!
In friendship,
Alexis & Lueda
